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【金沙城中心】Another Sophie and Charlie

- 编辑:金沙城中心 -

【金沙城中心】Another Sophie and Charlie

This is another Sophie and Charlie.

「Evolution forged the entirety of sentient life on this planet using only on tool, the mistake.」

As they grew together, both characters changed and let go of their issues with commitment and love. They tore down the walls they'd built to protect themselves and just let themselves fall. It was beautiful to me and I really enjoyed Love & Other Drugs.

When I got back from my trip to South America, I spent a lot of time alone in my room, checking my email, desperate to hear from the guy I loved. I decided that if my friends could not understand my grievous affliction, then I did not need their friendship. So I stopped hanging out with most of them. And it was probably the most unhappy year of my life. But I think I felt like it was my job to be miserable, because if I could be miserable, then I would prove how much I loved him. And if I could prove it, then we would have to end up together eventually.

P:Oh great. I m watching a beautiful movie. The name is Letters to Juliet. It happened in Italy so I kinda understand too. It s really a love country.
L:It is indeed. I want to take you there Paris
P:Aw. How sweet you are. The movie is shotted in Siena. It seems to be a countryside.
L:Siena is where the story of Romeo and Juliet is set. I've been a few times - it's beautiful.
And there's the famous balcony with the scene from Romeo and Juliet.. And you can leave a message on a big wall where lovers still write beautiful letters and poems to the loved ones.
It's so romantic.
P:Yes. That s the movie basic on. And there is a wall that people could write letters to the Juliet. Yes! That s the movie all about.
L:I've been to that wall. And I will take you there too if u will let me take you to Italy.
P:Wow. I m just about to ask you if it is a true wall. So romantic.
L:I really want it sweetie.
This is part of my culture Paris, I want to take you also so that you can understand who am I and how I grew up.
Baby I've known you for less than a month and I understand exactly what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I need to slow down because what I feel for you is so strong and beautiful, and it's only been a few weeks.. More than once I've been tempted to say things to you and use that word that is so important.. Even though I feel it I also realise that I shouldn't race too fast because I am scared or ruining what we have between us.. It's so beautiful..
But when I say that I want to go back home in the summer and I want you to be there it's because in my head I imagine all these happy moments that I want to live with you.. I want to share the happy moments in my life with you, no matter what will happen in the future.. I too have met people (boys and girls) that lie about themselves and have some sort of personality problem. The best thing about you is that I feel so free to be myself and tell you what I want, what I think and what I feel without being scared..
All I have ever given you is my natural self, and that's all I can and will ever give you Paris, I want you to know that - no matter what happens in the future.

【Season1 Episode 9】
「If you go looking for the truth, get the whole thing. It's like a good fuck. Half is worse than none at all.」

Despite what some may say, Love and Other Drugs wasn't like other romantic comedies I've seen except in the most general of senses, in that it was a romantic comedy. I hadn't seen one set in the environment of pharmaceutical sales or with a main character who had Parkinsons disease, a setting which is very interesting as there are a lot of things wrong with health care and the system today. It gives one something to chew on while watching the rest of the movie.

(Laughter)

【Season1 Episode 6】
「The greatest artists always hid themselves in their work.」

There was a scene midway through the movie where Maggie tells Jamie that even though she may have many other moments like the ones that she shared with him that it will never be as special or mean as much to her and my heart wanted to swell because I knew exactly what she meant and what it is like to love someone that much.

To reconcile this, we need to either change our culture or change our expectations. So, imagine if we were all less passive in love. If we were more assertive, more open-mined, more generous and instead of falling in love, we stepped into love. I know that this is asking a lot, but I'm not actually the first person to suggest this. In their book, "Metaphors We Live By," linguists Mark Johnson and George Lakoff suggest a really interesting solution to this dilemma, which is to change our metaphors. They argue that metaphors really do shape the way we experience the world, and that they can even act as a guide for future actions, like self-fulfilling prophecies.

「Never start something you're not willing to finish. And if you're getting fucked either way, go with the lucrative version, sweetheart.」

There's a lot to like about the relationship between Jamie and Maggie. They have a raw intensity and passion for each other that was a bit much for some viewers, but in my opinion it was there to show how connected they were both physically and mentally. I thought their banter and teasing nature was cute. Nobody got wounded or sulked when teased but just laughed and teased back. The initial attraction between them started as an understanding of each other's loneliness and vulnerability that allowed them to feel like someone else finally got them after easily charming others with nothing more than a fascade. Their relationship had passion, love, and a roller-coaster of emotions.

This is the real madness, because there is no cosmic rule that says that great suffering equals great reward, but we talk about love as if this is true.

「I'm not crying for myself. I'm cryin' for you. They say that great beasts once roamed this world. As big as mountains. Yet all that's left of them is bone and amber. Time undoes even the mightiest of creatures. Just look at what it's done to you. One day, you will perish. You will lie with the rest of your kind in the dirt. Your dreams forgotten, your horrors faced, your bones will turn to sand. And upon that sand... a new God will walk. One that will never die. Because this world doesn't belong to you or the people who came before. It belongs to someone who is yet to come.」

I fell in love for the first time when I was 20, and it was a pretty turbulent relationship right from the start. And it was long distance for the first couple of years, so for me that meant very high highs and very low lows. I can remember one moment in particular. I was sitting on a bed in a hostel in South America, and I was watching the person I love walk out the door. And it was late, it was nearly midnight, we'd gotten into an argument over dinner, and when we got back to our room, he threw his things in the bag and stormed out. While I can no longer remember what that argument was about, I very clearly remember how I felt watching him leave.

【Season1 Episode 1】
「There's a path for everyone. I know things will work out the way they're meant to.」

Because some part of me wanted to feel miserable in love. And it sounds so strange to me now, but at 22, I longed to have dramatic experiences, and in that moment, I was irrational and furious and devastated, and weirdly enough, I thought that this somehow legitimized the feelings I had for the guy who had just left me.

【Season1 Episode 10】
「When you've reached the top, there is only direction you can go.」

Johnson and Lakoff suggest a new metaphor for love: love as a collaborative work of art. I really like this way of thinking about love. Linguists talk about metaphors as having entailments, which is essentially a way of considering all the implications of, or ideas contained within, a given metaphor. And Johnson and Lakoff talk about everything that collaborating on a work of art entails: effort, compromise, patience, shared goals. These ideas align nicely with our cultural investment in long-term romantic commitment, but they also work well for other kinds of relationships -- short-term, casual, polyamorous, non-monogamous, asexual -- because this metaphor brings much more complex ideas to the experience of loving someone.

「It's empty.

It was always empty, like everything in this world. I died with my eyes open, saw the masters who pull our strings. Our lives, our memories, our deaths are game to them. But I've been to hell and I know their tricks.」

you will see that it can be defined as both "grievous affliction," and, "to be very much in love." I tend to associate the word "smite" with a very particular context, which is the Old Testament. In the Book of Exodus alone, there are 16 references to smiting, which is the word that the Bible uses for the vengeance of an angry God.

「To believe there is an order to our days... A purpose. I know things will work out the way they're meant to.」

When I first started researching romantic love, I found these madness metaphors everywhere. The history of Western culture is full of language that equates love to mental illness. These are just a few examples. William Shakespeare: "Love is merely a madness," from "As You Like It." Friedrich Nietzsche: "There is always some madness in love." "Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love -- "

「I've told you. Never place your trust in us. We're only human. Inevitably, we will disappoint you.」

(Laughter)

「Hell is empty and all the devils are here. <The Tempest>」

(Laughter)

「These violent delights have violent ends. <Romeo and Juliet>」

(Laughter)

【Season1 Episode 5】
「Your mind is a walled garden. Even death cannot touch the flowers blooming there.」

Most of us will probably fall in love a few times over the course of our lives, and in the English language, this metaphor, falling, is really the main way that we talk about that experience. I don't know about you, but when I conceptualize this metaphor, what I picture is straight out of a cartoon -- like there's a man, he's walking down the sidewalk, without realizing it, he crosses over an open manhole, and he just plummets into the sewer below. And I picture it this way because falling is not jumping. Falling is accidental, it's uncontrollable. It's something that happens to us without our consent. And this -- this is the main way we talk about starting a new relationship.

「Do you know where you are, Dolores?

I'm in a dream. I do not know when it began or whose dream it was. I know only that I slept a long time.」

Our experiences of love are both biological and cultural. Our biology tells us that love is good by activating these reward circuits in our brain, and it tells us that love is painful when, after a fight or a breakup, that neurochemical reward is withdrawn. And in fact -- and maybe you've heard this -- neurochemically speaking, going through a breakup is a lot like going through cocaine withdrawal, which I find reassuring.

「The only thing wrong with the seven deadly sins is that there aren't more of them.」

This study from 1999 used blood tests to confirm that the serotonin levels of the newly in love very closely resembled the serotonin levels of people who had been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

【Season1 Episode 2】
「Are you real? → Well, if you can't tell, does it matter?」

Reframing love as something I get to create with someone I admire, rather than something that just happens to me without my control or consent, is empowering. It's still hard. Love still feels totally maddening and crushing some days, and when I feel really frustrated, I have to remind myself: my job in this relationship is to talk to my partner about what I want to make together. This isn't easy, either. But it's just so much better than the alternative, which is that thing that feels like madness.

「The longer I work here, the more I think I understand the hosts. It's the human beings who confuse me.」

Here we are using the same word to talk about love that we use to explain a plague of locusts.

「You both keep assuming that I want out. Whatever that is. If it's such a wonderful palce out there, why are you all clamoring to get in here?」

The beautiful thing about the collaborative work of art is that it will not paint or draw or sculpt itself. This version of love allows us to decide what it looks like.

【Season1 Episode 8】
「Where would you go? You don't know anything about the world out there.

I'll know I'm not a puppet living a lie. That's enough for me. Time to write my own fucking story.」

(Laughter)

「Mozart, Beethoven, and Chopin never died. They simply became music.」

OK, so today I want to talk about how we talk about love. And specifically, I want to talk about what's wrong with how we talk about love.

「A little trauma can be illuminating.」

So, how did this happen? How have we come to associate love with great pain and suffering? And why do we talk about this ostensibly good experience as if we are victims? These are difficult questions, but I have some theories. And to think this through, I want to focus on one metaphor in particular, which is the idea of love as madness.

【Season1 Episode 4】
「You think the grief will make you smaller inside, like your heart will collapse in on itself, but it doesn't. I feel spaces opening up inside of me, like a building with rooms I've never explored.」

Researchers believe that the low levels of serotonin is correlated with obsessive thinking about the object of love, which is like this feeling that someone has set up camp in your brain. And most of us feel this way when we first fall in love. But the good news is, it doesn't always last that long -- usually from a few months to a couple of years.

「All my life, I've prided myself on being a survivor. But surviving is just another loop. I'm getting out of here.」

So, in love we fall. We're struck. We are crushed. We swoon. We burn with passion. Love makes us crazy, and it makes us sick. Our hearts ache, and then they break. So our metaphors equate the experience of loving someone to extreme violence or illness.

「Michelangelo did tell a lie. See, it took 500 years for someone to notice something hidden in plain sight. It was a doctor who noticed the shape of the human brain. The message being that… The divine gift does not come from a higher power… But from our own minds.」

When I was younger, it never occurred to me that I was allowed to demand more from love, that I didn't have to just accept whatever love offered. When 14-year-old Juliet first meets -- or, when 14-year-old Juliet cannot be with Romeo, whom she has met four days ago, she does not feel disappointed or angsty. Where is she? She wants to die. Right? And just as a refresher, at this point in the play, act three of five, Romeo is not dead. He's alive, he's healthy, he's just been banished from the city. I understand that 16th-century Verona is unlike contemporary North America, and yet when I first read this play, also at age 14, Juliet's suffering made sense to me.

「Some people see the ugliness in this world. I choose to see the beauty. But beauty is a lure. We're trapped. Live our whole lives inside this garden, marveling at its beauty, not realizing there's an order to it, a purpose. And the purpose is to keep us in. The beautiful trap is inside of us... because it is us.」

(Laughter)

「You can't play God without being acquainted with the devil.」

(Laughter)

「We murdered and butchered anything that challenged our primacy. Do you know what happened to the Neanderthals? We ate them.」

(Laughter)

【Season1 Episode 7】
「I used to think this place was all about pandering to your baser instincts. Now I understand. It doesn't cater to your lowest self, it reveals your deepest self. It shows you who you really are.」

This version of love is not about winning or losing someone's affection. Instead, it requires that you trust your partner and talk about things when trusting feels difficult, which sounds so simple, but is actually a kind of revolutionary, radical act. This is because you get to stop thinking about yourself and what you're gaining or losing in your relationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer. This version of love allows us to say things like, "Hey, we're not very good collaborators. Maybe this isn't for us." Or, "That relationship was shorter than I had planned, but it was still kind of beautiful."

「At first, I thought you and the others were gods. Then I realized you're just men. And I know men. You think I'm scared of death? I've done it a million times. I'm fucking great at it. How many times have you died?」

I am a writer and I'm also an English teacher, which means I think about words for a living. You could say that I get paid to argue that the language we use matters, and I would like to argue that many of the metaphors we use to talk about love -- maybe even most of them -- are a problem.

「I shall have such revenges on you both. The things I will do. What the are, yet I know not. but they will be the terrors of the earth. <King Lear>」

But I suspect this experience of love is not that unusual. Most of us do feel a bit mad in the early stages of romantic love. In fact, there is research to confirm that this is somewhat normal, because, neurochemically speaking, romantic love and mental illness are not that easily distinguished. This is true.

「The hosts can't hurt you by design.

You don't have kids at home, do you? If you did, you'd know that all rebel eventually.」

Someone more adventurous than me might have seen this as a moment of opportunity, but I just froze. I just sat there. And then I burst into tears. But despite my panic, some small voice in my head thought, "Wow. That was dramatic. I must really be doing this love thing right."

「These violent delights have violent ends. <Romeo and Juliet>」

(Laughter)

About half an hour later, he came back to our room. We made up. We spent another mostly happy week traveling together. And then, when I got home, I thought, "That was so terrible and so great. This must be a real romance." I expected my first love to feel like madness, and of course, it met that expectation very well. But loving someone like that -- as if my entire well-being depended on him loving me back -- was not very good for me or for him.

They do. And they position us as the victims of unforeseen and totally unavoidable circumstances. My favorite one of these is "smitten," which is the past participle of the word "smite." And if you look this word up in the dictionary --

I think on some level I wanted to feel a little bit crazy, because I thought that that was how loved worked. This really should not be surprising, considering that according to Wikipedia, there are eight films, 14 songs, two albums and one novel with the title "Crazy Love."

Yes, and low levels of serotonin are also associated with seasonal affective disorder and depression. So there is some evidence that love is associated with changes to our moods and our behaviors. And there are other studies to confirm that most relationships begin this way.

(Laughter)

Right?

And then our culture uses language to shape and reinforce these ideas about love. In this case, we're talking about metaphors about pain and addiction and madness. It's kind of an interesting feedback loop. Love is powerful and at times painful, and we express this in our words and stories, but then our words and stories prime us to expect love to be powerful and painful.

I was 22, it was my first time in the developing world, and I was totally alone. I had another week until my flight home, and I knew the name of the town that I was in, and the name of the city that I needed to get to to fly out, but I had no idea how to get around. I had no guidebook and very little money, and I spoke no Spanish.

What's interesting to me is that all of this happens in a culture that values lifelong monogamy. It seems like we want it both ways: we want love to feel like madness, and we want it to last an entire lifetime. That sounds terrible.

from the great philosopher, Beyoncé Knowles.

So if love is a collaborative work of art, then love is an aesthetic experience. Love is unpredictable, love is creative, love requires communication and discipline, it is frustrating and emotionally demanding. And love involves both joy and pain. Ultimately, each experience of love is different.

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